I'm happy.. and I have no idea why..
Obvious a lot of things that have happened in the past week should not be making me happy.. I should be super pissed (I am but happiness over rides it most the time). I should be hurt (again happiness has been over riding it). I should be about to break down at every second..
But the past few days I have found myself genuinely smiling.. genuinely happy..
It's hard to explain.. It's like I've been freed.. before I found out everything it was a constant battle with myself.. wanting him back, not wanting him back.. trying to forget him, being unable to do so.. Now I don't have to fight with myself about if he wanted to come back would I let him because the answer is a big fat HELL NO.
Like I said to someone the other day.. I find comfort in the fact that I have so much in store for my life.. while he is stuck where he is right now.. He has burned a very very sturdy bridge and there is no going back.
I hope one day he wakes up and realizes just how much I loved him.. how unconditional it was.. and how he messed it up.. I'm not one fore revenge or anything like that but I really do one day it hurts him as much as it hurt me for a while.. to know I'm the one that got away.. to know that he had something so pure and perfect.. that what I felt for him was the true definition of love.. and that he royally effed it up.
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