Motherhood

moth·er·hood (mr-hd) n.

1. The state of being a mother.

2. The qualities of a mother.

3. Mothers considered as a group.
 
That is how Webster defines the what Motherhood means..
 
Last night in therapy, my therapist suggested I figure out what motherhood means to me. She says it seems like a lot of my fears surround not having a family down the road.. not having a family now.. and losing the dream I had for a family from long ago..
 
I have always been the very nurturing type.. from as far back as I can remember.. even in Middle school I was lovingly dubbed Mother Moose by my best friends because I was the one who made sure they stayed out of trouble, I was the one who took care of them, the one in charge and made sure they had everything they needed. I was the responsible one.. It's in my blood to be a mother..
 
But what exactly does that mean. I am a mother.. to an angel.. which means I still have that need to nurture.. but I don't have a child to nurture..
 
We decided I need an outlet for the side of me.. to help me feel like I am doing something and that will probably help my fears of the future..
 
This is probably also why I decided to become a Kindergarten teacher cause I would be a "mother" figure to them for 8 hours out of the day.. I will be nurturing children.. probably also why I chose to lead a girl scout troop.
 
So I guess Motherhood should start meaning to me.. that even if I'm not a "mother" I am a positive female authoritative role in many girl's life. Especially my nieces.. I can have motherhood, without having the baby.
 
And while I still want a baby down the road when I do meet the right man, for now this will be enough. I still get to nurture.. I still get to grow minds. And I think that was the point that my therapist was making last night.
 
I have plenty things in front of me to help me try to fill that void until I do meet Mr.Right and have his babies. I need to stop worrying about the future and just live life as it is.