Me and We Time

In my last post I talked about how my new man seemed to know exactly what to say and when to say it, and is able to handle my crazy emotions like no one else can.

Turns out he was winging it, he asked me if what he did the other night when I was freaking out was the right thing, he said he didn't quite know what I needed so he just did what felt right. Which seriously made me laugh. I think that is what is making me fall more and more in love with him. We don't even really have to try at this relationship. We can just be..

We are on the same page about nearly everything, we enjoy spending time with each other and we do spend a lot of time with each other, but its not overbearing to either of us. Especially I think because we aren't really on the same work schedule so even though we are seeing each other every day/night, we are still getting plenty of "me" time in between which is amazing because with C there was no "me" time, it was work time and then "us" time. I think for a relationship to truly be the healthiest it can possibly be.. at least in the beginning stages.. you have to still make time for yourself and your hobbies. I have time to still go to the gym, work on my photography and then look forward to when he gets off work so I can see him.

And when we are together we don't even have to talk. Just being near each other puts the biggest smiles on our faces. Forget butterflies.. I have a whole Zoo in my tummy when he is around.

He makes me so happy

And he tells me that he hopes that we are in each others lives for a long time..

And he sends me sweet little texts randomly during the day just letting me know how much he cares for me...

He is honestly the guy version of me.. which it is amazing to look at someone and see pretty much a mirror of yourself. I've never had that before.

Vulnerable

Since everything happened between C and I, I have had a problem opening up to people, to being vulnerable.

It is a defense mechanism.. when someone or something hurts you that much you try to avoid that hurt again at all cost, even if it means completely shutting people out..

I did that for such a long time, and I admit that I still do that..

That is why the relationship I am in scares the hell out of me, as well as makes me the happiest I have ever been..

The walls completely came down, within a few hours of him and I talking... never before had I felt so safe.. so comfortable with someone.. never before had I given that much of myself emotionally and mentally to someone that quickly.. even with C it took months for him to break that barrier.

But with this man.. I can be myself.. I can show all parts of myself.. even my vulnerable sides.. and I know that he won't take advantage of them.. and he will love me no matter what.

I had a mini freak out last night thinking about how much of myself I have already shown him and given him.. how much of myself I have already put into this and he held me.. calmed me down, and straight talked to me telling me how it was, how he felt and honestly that's what I needed. I needed his rationality, I need him to be straight forward, not to sugar coat.. it amazes me that he knows how to handle that side of me.. no one has ever been able to, everyone has always tried to coddle me when I was being that way. And sometimes that works, but most the time I just need to be sat down and set straight.

This is totally new territory for me and I am loving it.

2 months... 2 years... New beginnings.. Happy Me

Wow it has been two months since I've written. I honestly try to keep up with this.. but sometimes I feel like I am saying the same things over and over again.. my life had become a constant routine and if I'm bored with it I am sure anyone who happens to read this is as well.

But some things have happened in the past two months..

For one.. still in school.. actually start Fall semester tomorrow! Yay I am so excited!! lol I was always the nerd in school. The one who counted down the days of summer until I went back to school and dreaded the last few days of school before summer let out. My "summer" was only two weeks long this time but I spent almost every day of those two weeks at work and I would much rather be at school... plus I love what I am in school for... ART! On that note.. I have added another degree to my schooling.. Graphic Design and I start that degree tomorrow, I'm nervous but so excited!! I can't wait to embark on this journey and see where it goes..

August 1st was two years since C left.. I honestly didn't dwell on it at all.. I didn't even think about it because I woke up that morning in the arms of another man that I had been talking to, a man that had asked me in the early morning before we fell asleep to be his girlfriend.. so yes.. I do have a boyfriend.. and yes we started dating on what was the 2 year anniversary of my separation from C. I can't think of a better way honestly to change what that date meant. It no longer means the end of a relationship to me but the beginning of another.

He is amazing.. surprisingly younger.. I'm pretty sure I had sworn off younger men several times over this whole thing but he is different. Despite him being 3 years younger than me he is one of the most mature men I have even known. He is sweet, caring, country boy but with his own style.. in essence he is the guy version of me and I couldn't be happier, we have so much in common it's almost scary and we have spent the past few weeks together constantly.. only 3 nights have we not been together and we haven't gotten tired of each other in the least bit..

I have found that I am already in love with him... just two months ago I was swearing off guys indefinitely and now I totally feel at ease with my possible future with him. It feels so natural and I'm the happiest.. truly the happiest I've ever been, even happier than I was during the good times with C. I finally found someone that I can be myself around and be accepted and that loves me for me. I can't wait to see how this plays out. I will most definitely keep you up to day on it :)