I did have a few downer days.. ran into S last weekend and that hurt after 6 months of not talking to him.. but I got revenge kinda.. he couldn't keep his eyes off me.. yet I paid him no mind.. sometimes it's nice to be lusted after by someone who could have had you had they just given you the time and day. But I'm back to where I was. Super happy K.
Also ran into another guy today that I had previously talked to. I really liked this guy as well and thought it was going to go somewhere until he went to a party and I heard from him once after.. then a week later I found out he had a new girlfriend.. again a sting.. but today when I saw him with said gf I couldn't help but smile. He was not the man I thought he was and even though I have super bad self esteem issues usually this girl was definitely a downgrade from me that I could tell is just using him. I made sure to give him a little smile and a wave and I could tell on his face as well that he realized the same thing I did.
But honestly as long as everyone's happy I'm happy for them. I don't need a man in my life and right now I am not looking for one. If one happens to pop up or come back into my life we will see how it goes. If not.. oh well.
School started last week. I absolutely love my classes. 2 photography classes and a printmaking class. Then sociology and humanities and a gym class.
Honestly in the 3 days I have been in Sociology, the more I think about not getting married again. For one studies show that most 2nd marriages fail as well. Second I just don't want to deal with the drama that comes with it or the social expectations of it. Sometimes I feel as though I am so much better off alone.
Funny thing is.. those two are not the only ones who have realized they messed up and could have had a good thing..
C texted me.. saying he wanted to be friends and try to talk about everything last week.
Last night T.. the last guy that it was starting to get serious with until I found out about a lie he had been telling me, texted me and called me in tears saying he knew he messed up.
Again this is another reason why I am not really looking for anyone right now because it seems like every guy I get interested in and it starts to get serious with freaks out on me and disappears only to re-appear and saying they realize how amazing I am and that they are sorry.
Sorry doesn't mean anything to me.. actions mean everything and I wonder if there is a guy out there that can actually think about something before acting it out which in turn leaves me to push them out of my life. I don't think so.. I want a man who thinks about consequences before actions and realizes how great I am before he screws up. And yes.. all of these "men" above.. I gave at least one more chance to to make it right so I'm not completely cold hearted but I am not stupid enough to give them anymore chances.
Bigger and better things are coming my way.. that is my motto for the year and I am not going to settle for anything less than I deserve in every way possible.
