I am beautiful

I love saying that to myself and actually believing it.

It has been a long time since I have been able to look in the mirror and actually like what I see. I know I have written about it before but I can see the shape of the K that is inside coming out.. and not only am I beautiful on the outside..

I am so beautiful on the inside.. and strong.. stronger than I ever thought possible.. I stand here and look at myself in the mirror in amazement of the woman I am, the woman I am becoming, I am amazed at how far I've come from soulless and unhappy of a person that I was, that I left behind long ago and how sad she actually was..

I am so proud of myself.. just writing this brings tears to my eyes.. I never imagined I could be who I am today, and while I still have my bad days, things are definitely looking up for me..

I still have 120lbs that I would like to lose... if I feel this great about 40lbs gone.. I can't imagine how I will feel that day I see 135 on the scale.. I know there will be many tears... for all the battles I fought, for all the bad tears that came.. for all the pain that was worth it..

Through this all I have to say... losing weight, especially a significant amount of weight such as I am trying to do.. is so much like trying to overcome sadness, and loss, and a marriage that fell apart...

I have my fat days... I have my bad days... I have days I do really well with exercise and diet.. I have days I think nothing about the past...

Both of these things are helping me become the K I never even knew was there.. and I love her so very much.. and I would do anything for that K.. because that K deserves the world and to be happy and if no one else will give it to her.. I will.