What is wrong with me?

It has been months since the "D" word has made me cry.. Yet as I'm sitting here writing this I have tears in my eyes because someone just asked me when my divorce was going to be final and when I could legally change my name back to my maiden name.. and they made a kinda "yay" sound..

People don't realize that I never wanted this I guess, I guess they think I'll be super happy about it when it comes and yes while I can't wait for it to be over because it means I can truly start moving on with my life, it still hurts, it's not what I wanted, if possible I would go back and fix it, but I can't and doesn't make me jump for joy like some women do. I am still mourning the loss of my marriage. I still struggle with that at times and for some reason right now I am struggling with it. I still have my days.. apparently people think I should be happy at all times..

Throw in the fact that my hormones are crazy right now... I'm sexually fustrated and missing what I use to have.. and then people wanting me to act happy because my life as I knew it has fallen apart in the past 10 months.. it's amazing to me that I'm still standing here and as strong as I have been. I can't be made of rock forever..