Updates

Since my post from last night didn't really update you as to what is going on in my life and it had been over a month since I posted anything until last night, let me catch you up with what is happening.

I haven't been to church group in almost a month.. I am going back this week though cause I miss it. I have been hanging out with another group on Thursday nights and while they are fun to hang out with it's not very fulfilling where as church group is. So I'm excited about this week and going back.

M the guy I met at church.. dropped off the face of the earth for a week or so about 3 weeks ago and since then we haven't talked as much as we had before. It upset me. I was very upset because he was the one guy since C that I had opened up to and felt like I could be myself around. But I got over it quickly, there is no reason for me to wallow in self pity over a guy who pretends like I mean something, so other then a few quick texts here and there we don't talk.

J was another guy I met, through M, and I still talk to him. He is an awesome friend but I don't see him as any more than that and I thought I kinda had an attraction to him but I figured out that it was just cause he liked me and was giving me attention (Got to stop that trend of thinking, working on it). It's nice to have a friend though that is going through the same thing (his divorce will be finalized this week) to talk to. That understands where I'm coming from when I say that I'll always love C in some form. He gets it, he feels the same way about his ex wife.

And C, what to say about him. I haven't talked to him much in the past couple of weeks. Every once in a while he will text me. I deleted his number from my phone so if we talk it's cause he texted me. I actually try to ignore him the best I can, he knows (unfortunately) what to say to get me to talk.. he plays on my weaknesses and fears. But I am proud that I have gotten to the point where I can delete a text from him without reading it. That I can go days without thinking about him, that I find myself leaving him in the past and looking towards the future.

Since all this going on in my life I've realized something about myself. I have decided to not worry about finding a man, when it's meant to be, it will happen. Right now I'm focusing more on myself. Figuring out how to get through school faster. Figuring out who I am. Working on losing the weight I want to. I feel my confidence growing and I always heard that guys dig women with confidence. I see it all the time lol. I'm getting there. I am truly becoming ok with being alone. It was hard at first but now it's second nature. I'm ok with it, I'm ok with going out somewhere alone, I'm ok with keeping myself entertained, less worried about the big ole world swallowing me up. I'm finding my place in it.