Walls

I've honestly never felt so alone as I do right now.. Recently my parents have made it more and more clear that they don't support my dreams.. That they may not even care about me at all.. Lately it feels like I'm more of a afterthought when it comes to their life..

Throw in the fact that as ice said several times.. Most the people I've become closest to are graduating.. No more late nights at the dark room talking and laughing and helping each other get through whatever personal hell we are going through..

I just want to feel loved.. By someone.. Cared about.. Supported.. I come off as this independent chick who keeps it together and yes that is who I am.. But I do have my weak days.. I have the days where I just need to hear I'm loved.. And wanted.. And needed in someone's life.. That my presence makes a difference.. That without me.. Life wouldn't be the same.. Some days I just need a real hug and some kind words.. And I don't get any of that..

And people wonder why I put up walls..This is why.. because recently I've let those walls come down a bit.. And now here I am again.. Hurting so badly.. When I should have kept the walls up..

I've heard I need to get rid of the negative in my life.. How do I do that when they are my own flesh and blood? I keep giving them chances and they keep letting me down.. The people who are suppose to love me unconditionally. The people who are support my dreams even when they seem too big.. But I should have known better.. They never have before.. Why start now..