Growing up I was always afraid to get out there, go out on my own, be away from my family. I don't know if it's because my mom babied me so much and never really let me go out and do things or what. She was a bit overprotective at times.
I have found though that the past year or so I have wanted to be free, to go out and take on the world, to learn and live new things, to figure out what it is that I am looking for..
At times I envy C right now.. when he left he was free. Since the house was in my parents' name it wasn't anything that we had to split.. so yes while he is living at his grandparents house.. he can pretty much do what he wants, go where he wants, he has nothing tying him down here.. yet he won't go because of his family.
I remember suggesting we move to the mountains, I love it there, I would love to live there, he wouldn't even hear of it becase he couldn't leave his family like that. I totally understand. I love my family, I don't know what I would do without them and like I said I have always been by there side, but for me this was a chance to figure out who I really am without my family's influence.
The more I think about it, the more I want to get away from here, to start over new.. to experience life outside of this small town, I want to get away from everything that reminds me of how my life was. I want to find new memories, make new memories, meet new people. There is more to life then what I have right now, there are more people that I want to meet. And I am terrified that I will always be stuck here. Not that it's a bad place to live, but I don't feel like I will do all I should do with my life if I stay here..
One day, One day I will make it out of here.. I will live somewhere else, I will find new cultures, I will learn new things. I will meet the man of my dreams, I will marry him, and I will have beautiful babies. I will have friends all over the world. One day my life will be well rounded and what I want it to be.
Now for my favorite song.. which goes perfect with this post.
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