The "M" word

He said it this weekend..

It all started with a joke, he was going on and on about his coat and I decided to joke around and be 5 again...

"Well if you like it so much why don't you marry it??"

his response?

"Because I'd rather marry you"

Cue total bewildered look..

The thought of marriage in the past few years has scared the hell out of me. How could I trust someone again so much to want to spend the rest of my life with them. C really damaged me in that. He killed all trust I had.. and anytime someone mentioned me getting remarried again one day I scoffed it off and said it probably won't happen. But since I've met him.. my whole tune has changed. I totally see myself marrying him one day... key word.. ONE DAY. We have talked about it before this weekend, but he never outright said the word. Anytime we talked about our future it was about.. when we move here, when we are living together officially, etc. It was never.. when we get married. The bewildered look was more of the fact that I didn't have a mini panic attack when he said it.. instead I embraced it and smiled.. maybe even blushed a little.

That doesn't mean I want to get married tomorrow though and I believe he understands that. I think he knows I need time, that's why he hasn't said that word before even though it had been implied. But he kinda sealed the deal with it this weekend. To prove to me that he is in this for the long haul.. that this isn't just a fling to him.. and I think he said it because he tends to know me better than I know myself.. he knew I needed to hear that, that reassurance that he wants to be here.

I love him more than I have ever loved anyone. Even C. Even only after 3.5 months.. I know he is the one.. I just wasn't sure if he thought I was the one but he stepped out of his comfort zone as well to tell me that I am in his own way.. he took my joke and ran with it.

And you know what.. I'm not scared to think about it anymore. About the future. About getting married again.. because I know this time that I am making the right decision with the right man.