Deep sick feeling in my Gut

I don't know what it is.. but everytime I think about being in love again or being with someone long term again I get this sick feeling..

and it takes everything in me not to throw up at the thought of it..

I don't know what it is.. if I've been jaded.. or what.. but I don't like it.

I know a while back I said I was thankful to still believe in love after everything but as time goes on I feel myself losing that belief.. What is love? and is it really something I need in my life?

I'm not talking about the type of love from family.. but the love from another being.. a person that is suppose to be your match.. is it possible that not everyone has a match in life.. that some of us are meant to wander the world alone?

I was recently talking to a guy about this.. He likes me.. he wants to "date" and see where things go.. but I can't for some reason let my guard down to do so. I don't know if it's because I know in my heart that he is not "the one" and don't see the point in wasting time dating someone if I don't see it going somewhere or if it's because of this feeling.. that deep sick feeling..

I don't know if I'm meant to be with anyone.. I am quickly coming to the conclusion that I am meant to be here on earth to show the beauty of it to others.. All I care about recently is my photography.. all I think about is that dream job..

Sure I still see cute babies and my heart aches a little at the thought that I may never have one of my own.. but usually it subsides rather quickly.. I see couples "in love" and I yearn for that... until I see something that would make a gorgeous photo (usually about 2.5 seconds later).

How can I possibly think about being in love someday when just the thought of it makes me feel sick?

I just don't know anymore.. all I know if that it's going to take someone very special and amazing to change that... and I just don't think he's out there.